Back,
The cold air is once again breath stopping, the scenery white and stiff, and the house as I step in looks somehow different.
After a full hour of trying to reclaim it, scrubbing floors and toilets, cleaning the kitchen, talking to my cats, it feels a little bit better. With a deep sense of relief I take a long hot shower and with a deep breath sink into my bed savoring its familiar feeling.
Still,
The
sense of ambivalence never leaves me and going back and force just makes it
stronger.
The air
that feels like it is so soft around me, the sounds, the smells, and the
colors, the people who knew me from the day I born and the history that we
share, going way back over thousands of years. But most of all the language;
that wraps around me caressing, accepting, signaling “here you are never
foreign.”
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